Snake Oil
by Phoenix Reece
Summary: A mysterious stranger appears in Happy Tree Town, offering an elixir that cures all and makes your dreams come true, but is this 'magic' potion all it's cracked up to be? Chapter six, the last chapter, is out!
1. Mumbo Comes to Town

**Author's Note**

Now I know what you're thinking, "but Phoenix, you just finished a story, and you should be working on Disco Rising, and why don't you start work on One World or some other, more interesting story?"

And I only have one thing to say to that: Quit nagging me woman, get in the kitchen, AND MAKE ME A SANDWICH!!!!

….

Okay, that was kinda uncalled for, but to actually answer your question, I just wanted to get this idea on paper, and I probably won't work on it for a while. That is of course, unless you want me to.

Now, I don't believe this story will feature Chunky, instead focusing on Sniffles as the protagonist, (But, I'm an indecisive bastard, so that might change) and my latest OC playing the bad guy. So let's get this gravy train a-rollin'!

**Snake Oil; a Strange Tale of Science and Mysticism**

Open scene on Sniffles' house at night, the windows open and a black smoke exuding from the second floor laboratory. Upon closer inspection one will notice the latches on the windows were forcibly broken open by some tremendous force all at once.

Enter in on Sniffles' lab, where a large black smudge is splattered across the wall, with an anteater-shaped silhouette revealed a clean lab wall. Sniffles is standing nearby, dyed an odd pink, stamping his(?) foot impatiently and staring angrily at a guilty-faced Lumpy.

"So Lumpy, what did we learn?" Sniffles asked, his(?) voice much more feminine than usual.

"Not to touch the Ranma-gun," Lumpy said, looking away.

"AND?" (s)he growled.

"That a cross-gender transmogrification ray-gun is not a toy" Lumpy concluded, but started again when Sniffles wouldn't look away "and that women are _not _born with an innate sense of cooking, and making you one will _not _make you a better chef. And it was foolish of me to expect that you would make me a sandwich after this"

"Exactly!" Sniffles said, turning to the lab table to where a broken ray-gun lay, "Now, I need you to go out and get me a D-cell battery, a 20-watt light bulb, and kettle of hot water so I can fix this. And don't ask me to come with you, I can't be seen like this."

Lumpy turned toward the door without a word, but lightened up and hopped back over to Sniffles, who was writing on a chalkboard about her "Successful" experimental ray-gun.

"Sniffles, before I go, I wanted to ask you something."

"WHAT?" she snapped.

"Can, can I call you Sniffette?"

Sniffles' eye began to twitch, and she gritted her teeth as she spoke "No Lumpy, you may _not_"

"Oh, okay. Um, Sniffles?"

"What now Lumpy?"

"You're a pretty girl, Sniffette…" Sniffles screamed and tossed a beaker at Lumpy, who just barely dodged it. Glass was scattered across the lab floor and Lumpy took this as his cue to exit.

….

It was a little windy that night, and Lumpy definitely wasn't enjoying his near-midnight stroll through the town's shopping center trying to find an open electronics store.

"Stupid Sniffette, thinks she sooo smart, well that doesn't mean she can boss me around like this. I mean, how was I supposed to know that women couldn't make sandwiches?"

As he passes a darkened alley, a raspy-throated voice coughed in his direction, drawing his eye toward the lightless corridor.

"Excuse me son, I hear you're in a predicament here. Mind if I lend a hand?" The voice continued (in such a snake-like and oily tone it made you want to wash your face when you heard it) and stepped out. A tall, lean, dark blue crocodile greeted him with a toothy smile and a pair of bright yellow eyes. He was dressed in what must have been a fine gentlemen's purple suit, but was now quite worn out, unquestionably from the age of the ancient garment. In one hand he held a gold-tipped cane and in the other he tipped his purple top hat, which was so old the top of it had begun to pop off.

"Thanks mister, but unless you can make me smart or fix Sniffette's ray-gun then you're no help to me." Lumpy said, and turned to walk away, but somehow the stranger was once again in front of him. He tapped his cane on the ground and the top popped open, revealing a small glass orb no larger than a marble filled with a green oil.

"Ray Gun (He spoke as if it was someone's name), I don't know, and I most certainly don't know a Miss Sniffette, but smarts I know." He replaced the top hat on his head and picked up the marble, tossing it in the air so that it landed in his open hat. Then, he lifted the hat off again and there was a full corked bottle of the green oil balanced on his head. "Y'see, my momma mixed up a sweet elixir for me when I was back in school and it made me smart as a whip!"

Lumpy was skeptical, though "You don't look so smart…"

"Boy, d'you know what the square root of pi is? Rhubarb! And how am I so skilled in the scientific arts, Momma's elixir!" The stranger said in all seriousness. Lumpy was astonished (believing of course that this stranger was right), and begged the croc to go on.

"Ah-ah-ah, I'm afraid I can't tell you anymore, but I can sell this amazing elixir to you for a mere 5 acorns!"

"Five acorns, that's a steal!" Lumpy laughed and tossed the gold coins into his hand, in exchange for the flask. He was about to turn and go along his merry way, when something occurred to Lumpy, he didn't know his new friend's name "Wait, before I go, what's your name?"

The crocodile looked up from counting his coins, tossed them up and into his top hat with a grin. "Ah, how polite of you, handsome and a gentlemen. My name is Mumbo Jumbo Jedidiah Marinara Ferera Lucky Louie Crowley the third, but you can call me Mumbo." He said with a bow. And with that, Lumpy walked away happily sipping his amazing new elixir, feeling smarter already.

* * *

So, this story's loosely based of off something, though I won't say what yet. And those of you who haven't figured this out yet, Mumbo is my new OC, a southern gentlemen from the swamps of Louisiana (Or it's HTF equivalent) who's just out to sell his "amazing cure-all" elixir to the unsuspecting residents of Happy Tree Town.

Won't be updating this one very often, (or maybe I will if you ask nicely)

So, until then, it's Phoenix Reece wishing you a happy Thanksgiving!

(Oh, and I'll try to get that new Disco Rising Chapter up soon)


	2. Call Me Silky

Author's Note

I know I said I wouldn't be updating this very much, but Mumbo's staring to grow on me. Plus I've got a good few ideas in my head about this story. Funny, how the second you begin to neglect something, inspiration hits you and draws you back. Well either way, please enjoy

Snake Oil

Later that night, Lumpy was walking merrily down the street with a bag full of electronics, humming a jolly tune to himself, when he bumped into a tiny, red, flaky creature who shrieked in terror and fell to the ground cowering.

"Flaky, Is that you? Why, you look absolutely terrified!" he asked, a worried look on his blue face. His voice seemed to lack its usual drawl.

Flaky immediately stopped cowering and pulled herself up, "L-lumpy? Is that you? "

"Certainly it is! Couldn't be anyone else, the odds of any form of breeding exactly replicating a moose of my specifications occurring around my birth are about 643,922 to four! Then again anything is possible," He put his hand on his chin in thought, "but I digress. What brings a timid little beauty like you out here?"

Flaky stared at him, blinked, did a double, then triple-take before she spoke "Whuh, huh, Lumpy? I er, I'm just out to get some more medicated shampoo for my skin condition. I need at least three showers a day, but you probably know that already."

Lumpy gave a hearty chuckle, nothing like his usual idiotic laugh, much more refined. "Why bother Flaky? You should meet my friend Mumbo! He's increased by intelligence at least twenty fold! But, then again twenty times zero is still zero isn't it?" He laughed again, "But I'm going off on a tangent once more, if he was just happened to have an elixir to help me out intellectually then he must have something for skin! I'd help you myself but I must go help Sniffles with a little bit of gender confusion." He ran off, calling over his shoulder.

"Third alley on the right, if you're interested!"

Flaky shook her head in disbelief and walked down the suddenly misty street toward the pharmacy. "As if I'd take some weird potion from some creepy salesman. It might be full of aids, or knock me unconscious and who knows what would happen next?"

She walked along ranting about near-impossibilities, completely forgetting she was walking right by the alley Lumpy had mentioned. A pair of glowing yellow eyes shined through the mist at her and a low laugh rang through the darkened street, scaring the little porcupine stiff. The laugh was deep, so much so you'd be afraid that you're drowning in a murky darkness if you heard it out of nowhere like poor little Flaky did. But, oddly enough, the laugh wasn't the only thing she heard. A faint piano could be heard, along with the rhythmic tapping of a cane as the a terrifying baritone sang to her.

_Hey little lady hello_

"Who, who's there?"

_You're looking cute as can be…_

"is, is somebody there?"

_You're looking mighty _SWEET_!_

"F-flippy, is that you? Cu-cut it out!" Flaky tried to run, but she tripped over her own feet and fell terrified on her back.

_No it ain't Flippy, it's me._

Mumbo stepped from the mist and held out his hand invitingly

_You're friendly Mr. Crowley_

_This croc is talking to you, baby!_

"Oh god! Please, stay away from me you monster!" Flaky flailed her arms at him, covering her eyes. "Don't rape me! I only have a little money, but take it!"

"My, my, my! I would never lay a hand on such a sweet young thing as yourself!" Mumbo took a step back and bowed, tipping his hat, "But I would love to help you with your unfortunate predicament! My name is Mumbo Jumbo Étouffée Amable Incroyable Crowley the eighth, and I might just have the solution for your, uh, powdery hair.

"Yeah right, three dermatologists and fourteen hairstylists couldn't figure out a cure for ol' Miss Flaky. I doubt_ you _the cure." She said, walking away, but, oddly she had walked straight into him.

"Are you quite certain? As that blue fellow, one of my previous clients had said, anything as possible. And I don't mean to be rude, but that boy was not quite a dim bulb, more of a damp match in a wet cave before he met me, and now look at him!"

"You, really did that?" Flaky was flabbergasted.

"Of course I did, and I've got the perfect potion for you, little miss!" He pulled a vial in the shape of a gorgeous woman with long flowing hair from his pocket, filled with a green liquid. "And, for such a beautiful little girl, only five acorns!"

"Five? My prescription shampoo costs fifty! I'll take it!" She exchanged the potion for the coins and took a deep swig from it, gagging at its foul taste. She turned and ran off home to show Flippy, and waved happily to her new friend, "Thank you mister etifue, um, able, er"

"Call me Mumbo, sweety! Just Mumbo's fine!" He pulled out another set of coins, and adding the new ones to the mix, counted them happily while licking his lips.

….

Sniffette, as we'll call her for the time being, was tinkering with her raygun, still fuming about the work Lumpy ruined with his"innovative" approach to gender swapping. She jumped a little in surprise when Lumpy kicked in the door and laid the bag of goods on the table, allowing its contents to spill out in front of Sniffette.

"Lumpy, what are these? I didn't ask for any of these parts!" She groaned.

"Oh ho ho, but these are better! You see, the gun was far overcharged, but if we simply tweak these parts here and there" Lumpy laughed as he quickly rearranged the raygun, leaving it with a completely new design and a shining new paint job "And behold! Now, hold still friend…" Lumpy aimed the raygun at the anteater, who recoiled in terror.

"Lumpy what are you-

**BZZZZAP!**

"doing, this could kill," Sniffles stopped himself, realizing his voice was its normal tone. "Lumpy, how did you do this?"

"Oh, don't worry about it, now let's talk about that particle accelerator that you've been working on. A few minor adjustments and we might just lower the death rate to 26%!"

….

Flippy couldn't fall asleep, especially without Flaky at his side. She had refused to go out with him at night, considering what terrible things Evil could do to her in a dark alleyway somewhere. Flippy always hated doing that, but it was beyond his control, and he had learned to control the Flip-outs to a degree, but he could never quite solve them completely. With all this on his mind and _Saving Private Ryan _coming to an end he began to drift off into sleep, but was jolted awake by the lights switching on and a familiar porcupine dashing up and wrapping her arms around him.

"F-flaky?" He blushed " Did you get the shampoo? You were only out for fifteen minutes!"

She giggled and hugged him tighter "I don't need it anymore! Stroke my quills, run your hand through them!" Flippy was a little weirded-out, but did as she asked. He felt nothing, which wasn't shocking, until he realized that he normally did feel a lot of something in Flaky's hair. Dandruff, he checked his hand and found none of the telltale flakes, and then looked at Flaky's hair. It was beautiful, her hair was positively radiant and dandruff-free.

"Flaky, oh my god this is wonderful!" He laughed and hugged her back.

"Please Flippy, call me 'Silky' from now on, I think it works much better" She sighed, and flipped off the bedroom lights, still holding him close.

* * *

Well well well, seems like things are perfect in old happy tree town, but that's no fun, now is it? Let's see how things go horribly wrong this time….

Just for reference, the song Mumbo sings to Flaky is a variation on **Sominex/Suppertime 2 From Little Shop Of Horrors**

-As always, this has been Phoenix Reece!


	3. Bad Juju

**Author's Note**

WOOHOO! THE FIRST SNOWDAY OF THE YEAR! I don't know where you are, but I just got the first ever snow day of my school year! Sweet, sweet sleep, I can finally get plenty of sleep…

Anyhow, now that I'm well rested and filled with snacks, I'm feeling so great that I want to share the joy with all of you! So I'm giving you a double dose of Phoenix Reece today, and updating both of my stories! Oh, and as you asked Flipped-out soldier, I'm putting Twitch in this chapter. But, please, nobody else ask to have your OCs included, I'm only doing this because she asked politely.

**Snake Oil**

A crowd had gathered in town square the next day, rumors of the potion spreading like wildfire throughout the town. People were lining up before Mumbo, who had built a stage overnight for his wondrous elixir. He stood above them all, singing the praises of the potion and dancing around his makeshift platform.

"Step right up! Step right up, One and all, ladies and gents, to receive a dose of Mumbo's Marvelous Make-Better Miracle Tonic for only ten acorns!" True, his claims seemed farfetched, but everyone in town was intrigued. And he had raised the price, but the two people who had bought from him the previous night didn't notice, or didn't care.

The miracle part of the potion was hardly exaggerated, though. Handy, who had gotten up early as usual to start some construction work, had passed by Mumbo. And in a puff of smoke he now had two fully functional hands. And if that wasn't incredible enough, Mole had his sight returned to him, and was quite shocked to find he was pink.

"That's right folks, cures everything! Bald? Grow a lion's mane in minutes! Lady troubles? Sip this and they'll be on you like hogs on slop!" Mumbo cheered, tapping his cane on a pile of bottles stacked behind him.

"You've gotta be kidding, Love potion? I gotta try this!" Disco Bear, of course, stepped onto the stage and grabbed a bottle, tossing a bag of money at Mumbo, not realizing he was paying at least thirty times the asking price. Mumbo didn't raise an objection, though, and happily licked his lips as Disco downed the potion in one gulp, cringing at its foul taste

"Yuck. Well, witch doctor? This ain't working as far as I can see." Disco said impatiently, tapping his foot on the stage.

"Well, you have to give a little effort, boy. Just do what you normally do to get a gal." Mumbo said, his tone oddly rude, given he was quite involved with counting his money. Disco shrugged his shoulders and began dancing. He danced across the stage with the usual tact and moderation that he always exhibited, bouncing left and right in a dancing style that just might have been less humiliating back in the seventies. He finished with a particularly flashly slide and his trademark growl at the ladies in the crowd.

Initially, everyone had no idea what was going on, and why the sale of the marvelous potions had been postponed so they could watch some chubby has-been flaunt his oversized rear on stage, but then something came over the women in the audience. Their eyes began to glow a bright purple and their pupils dilated, and they all seemed to have a hypnotic expression on their faces. They all began to cheer wildly and pushed forward towards the edge of the stage, reaching out to him. Disco's face lit up realizing what was going on, and leapt from the stage into the arms of the woman crowding around him, and they carried the lucky bear off.

Mumbo couldn't control himself any longer, and stepped forward, laughing heartily. "Aha HA! Hooo boy, would'ja lookit that! See? Mumbo's Marvelous Make-Better Miracle Tonic _can _do anything, and that's all for the low low price of ten acorns!" The crowd cheered and clamored for more, as another volunteer stepped up.

"Now, uh, what's your name boy?" he asked the twitching green squirrel in front of him.

" I'm, hehe, Nutty, HA! And I, hehehe, like candy!" He said, happily pulling a gumdrop off of his fur and tossing it into his mouth.

"Well boy, what if I told you that this potion could make anything in the whole wide world candy?" Mumbo said, dangling a potion in front of him.

Nutty was at a loss for words, he simply stood there wide-eyed and his mouth agape.

"That's right, take a swig of this magic medicine and everything you touch with your right index finger," He grabbed Nutty's finger and held it up to him, "will turn to chocolate! Imagine it boy, the chocolate touch."

Nutty, finally able to comprehend what was going on, rejoiced and grabbed at the bottle, Mumbo holding it just out of his reach "Ah,ah, ah, ten acorns my little friend." The squirrel happily tossed the money at Mumbo and grabbed the potion, swigging it down to the last drop.

"Did it work did it work did it work?!?!?" He jumped up and down happily.

"Test it out son, test it out!" Mumbo pulled a live frog from his pocket and dangled it in front of Nutty, who poked it with his finger. Then instantly, in front of the awestruck crowd, the frog's flesh became milk chocolate, and Mumbo tossed the treat into the air, catching it with a snap in his jaws. He chewed happily and faced the crowd, his arms out.

"Tastes like chocolate to me! The sweetest frog's legs I ever had!" He laughed then called after Nutty, who had ran off stage to go spread his chocolate touch around town "Be careful with that one, mah boy, don't go touching nothing important!"

The crowd cheered and Mumbo began off on another of his rants of the amazing cure, twirling his cane and speaking with finesse and charisma uncommon in this day and age.

…

Later that night, Petunia was on her way to the store to pick up a few ingredients for a soup. She was cooking for two tonight, Chunky was at her house all that day. He had caught a cold and Petunia, despite her germ phobia, couldn't leave him to suffer. She had been at home all day taking care of him (though, he of course was wearing a slew of protective gear to prevent their germs from getting anywhere near her), and was glad to finally get out of the house. It was only about six PM, but winter had begun to set in, cutting the daylight in half.

"Phew, feels good not having to wear that hazmat suit" She said to herself "Poor Chunky though. I wish there was something more I could do for him." Walking along, she bumped into a crocodile, who was so busy hauling the large sack of money that he didn't notice her. He dropped the bag and scrambled to pick up the gold coins spilling from it.

"Ah!" He fell to his knees to pick up the money, "Why don't you watch where you be going ya," He looked up to find the petite skunk kneeling with him helping him pick up his money.

"Oh, I'm really sorry, I didn't notice you. It's kind of dark out, though, I can't see much beyond the next streetlamp." She held the gold coins to him, and he pulled off his top hat.

"Just, uh, put 'em in here, sweetheart." He said. Petunia looked at him funny, but did as he asked. Mumbo replaced his hat, and thanked the young girl before asking her something odd. "Hey, I gotta know, what's your vice?"

"What, what do you mean?" Petunia was thrown off by his terminology.

"Nobody's perfect, what's your baggage?" He asked again, digging through his coat, "Because no matter what it is, I can fix it."

"Look mister, I don't want anything from you, just leave me alone." She tried to walk around him but he mirrored her movements, steeping in front of her each time.

"Don'cha wanna be perfect?" He pulled out a small green bottle, "It's cheap. C'mon, whaddaya got to lose?"

"Just leave me alone! Go away or, or, I'll scream! I will!" Petunia protested, but before Mumbo could respond, a wicked laughter cut through the air.

"**Screaming? And I didn't cause it?"**

A quick shadow darted in between them, pushing Mumbo back and causing Petunia to shriek. Someone had grabbed onto her and squeezed her shoulder tightly, preventing her from running. It was a rabbit, someone she had attempted to forget about. His mangy yellow fur and tattered straitjacket brought back terrible memories. It was twitch, a psychotic rabbit who had tried to rape her in the past, and was back for more.

"Hello honey, miss me?"

"Get away from me, get AWAY!" She screamed.

"Hehehe, yeah. That's what I wanna hear. I'm gonna make you scream your lungs out." He laughed, running a large kitchen knife across her cheek, causing a single, tear-like drop of blood to drip down her face. Mumbo, who was only thrown off balance, stepped up and put his hand on the rabbit's shoulder.

"I believe she said to let her go."

"And I believe you should shut the fuck up before you get cut, old man!" But the croc didn't budge.

Twitch shoved Petunia hard, sending her tumbling headfirst into a lamppost and knocking her unconscious, and in the same second turned to slash at Mumbo. He only cut the Croc's suit and made a small slice across his abdomen, though. Mumbo had leapt back at the last second, being more spry than he looked. Then, he charged the knife-wielding maniac, a foolish move, though, as Twitch simply stabbed him and pushed him away, leaving the knife embedded in his chest. Mumbo fell backwards, coughing blood, and collapsed on the pavement, his top hat falling over his eyes.

"Heh, stupid old man, only pulled my hair." Twitch turned back to the unconscious Petunia. "Now where were we," He approached her body, but was shocked to hear that same oily voice.

"Boy, you got some set of manners." Mumbo stood up, pulling the knife from his body. His voice was vicious, as if the murky darkness in it set out to devour you from inside.

"B-but, you…" Twitch began backing up, frightened.

"Mah momma always said sin is a terrible thing." He reached into his coat, pulling out a small straw doll. He pinned a few strands of yellow hair to it and revealed a needle and thread. "She said 'boy, if you ever want to utter a curse, you'd be better off sowing your mouth shut and never speaking again.'" He began to sow the mouth of the doll shut with intricate stitches. Twitch clutched his mouth in pain; a thread from nowhere began to cut its way through his mouth, sowing it shut. When Mumbo was finished with his first grim deed, he pulled a pair of scissors from his coat.

"And she also said, 'If you ever think you gonna strike a lady, well then you'd be better off cuttin' your hands off clean'" He snapped the blades down on the straw doll and some invisible force lopped off Twitch's hands. Twitch began moaning in pain from wounds, unable to scream because of his sown mouth, and soon collapsed from shock and blood loss.

Mumbo calmly placed the doll back in his coat and kneeled down to pick up his top hat. Replacing it on his head, he walked over to Twitch, and spat on him.

"And boy, I think the smartest thing mah momma ever taught me was, 'if you gonna stab somebody, you best make damn sure he's dead when you're done.'"

He approached Petunia, lifting her up in his arms, and looked up and down the street.

"Alright sweetness, where do you live?" No answer came "Yeah, I thought as much. Let's see if these folks here'll be willing to take you in until

morning…

* * *

Alrighty! Seems like Mumbo's not such a bad guy, or is he? I gotta admit, that Voodoo doll scene was a personal favorite of mine. Oh, and I know you said not to kill Twitch, Flipped, but he didn't technically die, he just got his mouth sown shut and his hands cut off. That's not as bad, right?

Anyway, like I said, I'm gonna have a new DR chapter up tonight, but I'm not sure when. I've got other important things to attend to. Like, playing fallout.


	4. Backlash

**Author's Note**

_Listen here MAGGOTS! It is my duty to hereby bestow upon you some variety of story. While I'm at it would you enjoy a glass of warm milk while I tuck you in? That's the problem with the youth of today, always reading things that don't matter. In my day there were few things that ANYONE needed to read, and they were as follows "Defend this Hill", "This man is better than you, respect him and kill for him", "Receive food here", "Receive bullets here", "This is a portrait of the man you have been ordered to kill, by noon." Those were the days. Now what manner of baby show is this fan-made waste of killing time made for? Happy Tree Friends? The last man who said something so girly to me I strangled. With a rocket. So enjoy your bedtime story, private sissypants, and try not to wet yourself during the scary parts._

**Snake Oil**

Petunia clutched her head, pulling herself off the couch she was lying on to find it was early morning. Her head was bandaged, and she was in Giggles' house. A clattering of dishes and the sound of a crackling skillet could be heard from the kitchen. _What happened last night? _She thought _Oh jeez, that freaky crocodile, and then Twitch showed up. Oh god, he was gonna, did he? I feel so filthy…_

"Hey sleeping beauty, good to see you awake!" Giggles walked from the kitchen with a platter of pancakes. She looked different, but Petunia couldn't quite place it. "Here, eat while I explain."

She placed the tray down onto Petunia's lap, and suddenly she realized what was different. Giggles, who was of course a maturing young woman, was (to put it subtly) STACKED. Her breasts were swollen to the size of cantaloupes, she had lush, red lips, and luxurious eyelashes that made hers look like Flaky's .

"Giggles, what happ," She began, but Giggles let out a little laugh and continued.

"Oh it was wonderful, yesterday," Her voice even sounded more seductive "this crocodile, Mumbo I think his name was, showed up with this magic potion that transformed us! It was crazy, Disco never looked hotter, Mole got his eyesight back, Mime oh my god, and you should hear that boy sing! And as you can see, that marvelous witch-doctor somehow found a way to make yours truly even MORE beautiful!"

Petunia put down her fork for a second "Wait, Crocodile, like one in a dirty purple suit and top hat?"

"Oh yeah, you know him, oh wait!" She tapped herself on the forehead in embarrassment "I forgot, he was the one who brought you here! It was like midnight or something, and he had you slung over his shoulder. How nice of him, he even dropped one of those potions of his off for you when he left!"

"Potion?" She looked around and spotted a vial on the nearby coffee table. It was in the shape of a blossoming rose, and had a small tag attached to it.

_Nobody's perfect, but this can change that, honey._

"Oh you have to try it, it works wonders! Anything you could possibly wish, just a drink away!" Giggles said, then stopped and sniffed the air. "Um, do you smell something?"

A cold chill ran down Petunia's spine. She was away from home, and her showers, and her pine-scented fresheners. She leapt up, still holding the potion and began edging her way towards the door "Um, nope! I don't smell a thing, not that I could smell if it there was something" She was obviously very nervous "Not, um, not that there's anything TO smell, but I gotta go, Chunky's waiting for me at home. BYE!" She ran out the front door, leaving Giggles alone with a platter of pancakes.

Petunia was now sprinting down the sidewalk, desperate to get home, when she saw an enormous crowd of people standing around town square. She cursed her luck; there was no way she could get around this many people without someone smelling her. She was contemplating going the long way when Flippy and The Mole strode down the sidewalk, chatting as they went. Petunia, in a panic, hid in a bush nearby the park bench.

"I mean, it' great! I went to the firing range and didn't even THINK about flipping-out!" Flippy laughed, happy with his newfound freedom from flipping that was granted to him by the green potion,

"I catch ya brother, I catch ya." The Mole said. It was crazy, finally hearing The Mole talk. He had a raspy, deep voice of a jazz singer, but never spoke after losing his sight. He never saw the point, but now he was filled with a newfound zest for life "I swear, I now it ain't true, but music even sounds better when I can paint new pictures in my mind. Hey, let's have a seat here and watch the clouds a little."

The two sat on the bench by the bush and simply sat there, chatting. They were there for at least fifteen minutes, and Petunia was growing impatient, but at the same time terrified that she was beginning to smell worse as time went by. Finally, Flippy said something that made Petunia's fur stand up.

"Do you smell something?"

In a panic, Petunia downed the entire bottle of elixir, praying it would help her out. Then, she waited, in dreadful silence for another response.

"No, do you?" The Mole responded.

"Uh, well, no, but I could've sworn that something rancid was in the air." Flippy said.

"Are you accusing me of somethin'? Well then, I'm not gonna sit here and get insulted. I'm splittsville." The Mole stood, putting his hands in his pockets, and walked off.

"Wait, I didn't mean anything by that, honest!" Flippy said, following after him.

Petunia let out a tiny cry of "YES!" before she realized she didn't need to hide in the bush anymore. She leapt up and ran home to tell Chunky.

…..

Petunia pushed in the door and called to her boyfriend "Ooooh Chunky, I have something to show yoooou!" But no answer came, and she could hear faint counting coming from the kitchen. She walked into the porcelain tiled kitchen and nearly fainted. Chunky was hanging from the doorway by his feet, doing crunches with an ipod in his ears. He was enormous, and not in the way he usually is. From his now broad and muscular shoulders to his bulging compact thighs, he was *ahem* a total beefcake. Petunia, having come over her shock, ran over and smooched him in between reps.

"425, 426, Petunia?" He paused the song and flipped down, sticking a perfect landing. "Look at me! I'm like Kratos mixed with Marcus Fenix!" He flexed one of his bulging biceps. "You're never gonna believe this, I was feeling better this morning so I went to go find out what happened to you, and I ran into this,"

"Crocodile in a purple suit, and he gave you a green potion!" Petunia finished for him.

"How did you," But she wouldn't let him finish, embracing him in another hug.

"Smell me! Take a deep whiff!" She said, happily. Chunky thought it was odd, but sniffed her fur, and didn't smell anything.

"Petunia, I don't smell, oh my god. The potion! It cured your skunk smell!" They had nothing else to say, and embraced in each other's perfection.

…(Three Weeks Later)…

Sniffles laboratory was oddly quiet. Something it hadn't been in the weeks after Lumpy had begun to rival Sniffles' genius. But, they had worked together, achieving things they never could have separately, making great strides in the fields of science and medicine. But, for the last two days, Lumpy had locked himself in his study and refused to let Sniffles in. Only today, he found the door unlocked.

"Lumpy, are you in he-YAH!" He screamed, tripping over Lumpy. He fell on his rear and pushed himself back, trying to figure out what was going on. Lumpy was lying on the ground, mouth agape, and a soggy sandwich clutched in his hand. He had a dead look in his eyes, and he was mashing the sandwich against his face in some lifeless attempt to feed himself.

"Oh my god, what happened to you? Who did this?" Sniffles stood and rested his hand against the desk of the study, finding a note. He picked it up and found it was addressed to him.

_Dearest Sniffles, _

_I realize that you have enjoyed finally having an intellectual of your level around, and I wished not to have you see my decline into a sub-human shell of even the moose I once was. When I drank the potion, there was a sudden rush of intellect, and I felt I shouldn't drink it all at once to discover its true properties. I gave a bit of the potion to a lab rat, and kept this secret from you. It's funny, the potion seems to grant dreams, in a way that I was never able to figure out. The rat's dream was apparently to run faster than any other rat, and it came true. It was incredible, I had never seen anything like it, but then, something happened. About three days ago, I began having dizzy spells, and headaches. Then I had difficulty remembering things, and that was when I saw the changes in the lab rat. It stopped running, instead hobbling from place to place. I did some medical tests on it and discovered it had begun developing Osteogenesis imperfecta, or brittle bone syndrome. It had a reverse effect, turning it from a star runner into someone who couldn't run.._

_I'm sorry Sniffles, I can't keep w…..hungry…._

Sniffles clutched the note in terror when he heard a dreadful snapping. He looked at the desk and saw a mouse cage, with a sorry pulp of fur lying on its floor. It was the mouse, and it seemed as if every bone in its body was broken, and it was writhing around on the floor in some sickening attempt at clinging to life. Sniffles let out a terrified gasp and ran out of the room, grabbing his coat.

….

Deep in the back alley, Mumbo was smoking a thick tobacco in a finely carved cherry wood pipe, taking deep inhales and rolling a gold coin in his knuckles. It was near midnight, but he was waiting, waiting for it to begin. He let out a billow of thick smoke as a small woman approached him, covering her face in a red shawl.

"P-please, help me," She said, her voice quivering.

"Aw, little lady, what's wrong?" Mumbo said, letting the smoke roll from jaws.

"It's my skin, the doctors don't know what's happening. It started with the dandruff coming back, me and Flippy didn't mind but then. Oh god, look." She pulled the shawl off, revealing a young red porcupine, her face peeling off in enormous layers of dead skin. "look, that's not all, my arms." She held them out to him, her arms were peeling even worse.

"Aw, baby, baby, it's worse than I thought. You need yourself a second dose, c'mere sweetie." He held out another vial, "Only twenty acorns."

"But, but the last one was only."

"Times change," He growled, "Twenty acorns, take it or leave it."

Flaky let out a little cry and pulled out the money, handing over to him and grabbing the potion. She fell to her knees, desperately opening up the vial. She poured it into her mouth, the green liquid spilling off of her lips, on her face, and all over the filthy alleyway. She drank it down to the last drop and then fell on her chest, trying to lap up any that spilled to the ground. Then, realizing Mumbo was watching, turned and ran, crying and covering her face.

"Tsk, tsk tsk," He said, leaning up against the wall to take another puff from his pipe,

"Then again, she's just like the others. They never change, do they mama?"

* * *

God, I love Mumbo. I really think I hit the mark when I made him, such a perfect OC.

Chunky: Excuse me!

Mumbo: Oh, and giving you muscles isn't good enough for you, you have to be the favorite?

Chunky: No, but..

Me: I love you all the same.

Pippy: Even me guvner?

Me:….

Did I say you could appear in a story yet?

Pippy: No, ya didn't.

Me: Back to the coal celler then.

Pippy: Sorry Guv….


	5. Nightmare

**Author's Note**

*Warning Semi-Comical Rant Ahead*

Well, this is just fan-flipping-tastic. It's Wednesday the 23, or the day before the night before Christmas. And I was going to go to school to hand out the 150 dollars of Christmas gifts I got for my beloved friends, but I happened to contract the stomach flu from my bubonic rat of a sister. Oh, wow, that sounded a lot meaner when I typed it, sorry Taylor. It started when my sister had to stay home from school yesterday because she was sick, and I volunteered to go home early to take care of her. Then I had a big bucket of KFC. And for the rest of the night until about 1 AM I spent my time in front of a toilet learning that I really need to chew my food better. (I swear to god, I don't even know HOW I was able to swallow a piece of chicken that big, but I'll tell you one thing, sending it down was a lot easier than horking it back up.) So I decided to write another Snake Oil chapter in my free time in between blowing chunks. Funny story, I learned that all that garbage about drinking healthy liquids when you're sick is a sack of LIES! Here, lemme show you what I mean.

I drank a half pint of water to calm my stomach: I vomited more than I did with the chicken.

I drank a glass of orange juice to fight my headache: Well, it wasn't extra-pulpy going down, I tell you that!

I'm STILL drinking a bargain-brand jug of root beer (You know, the ones that are like 3 Liters for about 2 bucks): I've never felt better.

So we've all learned something today, root beer heals everything. But onto what you're actually here for.

**Snake Oil**

It must have been raining for quite some time because the moment Sniffles feet hit the pavement he was greeted with the slimy feeling of a rainwater puddle. He shuddered a little, it must have been at least two and weeks since he had been out of the house, a feat not so unrealistic when he was on one of his "inventing-sprees" that often ended in his own demise.

He was only about halfway to the town square when something reached out and grabbed his foot. He screamed, but looked down to find Handy, or at least some of Handy. His flesh was rotting away in sickening chunks, the only thing left of him was his upper torso, head, and one hand that was rotting away by the second.

"Hel, help me…" He said, his voice quivering.

"Handy, what happened to you?" Sniffles kneeled down and propped Handy's body against a nearby tree.

"It started a week ago, I woke up and saw my thumb on my new hands had just rotted off. I went to the doctor and he said I developed some kind of flesh-eating disease, and it was spreading more rapidly than anything he'd ever seen." He coughed, a bit of his mouth and a spurt of blood falling out in front of him "Then I lost my legs, and then my right arm, but I just won't die! I don't know what's going on, but I can't die and return to normal." He hacked up more blood, and with a slopping noise his tongue fell clean off onto the pavement.

"Oh God, oh GOD!" Sniffles recoiled in terror and ran off, trying to find out what was going on. He passed by Mime, who was on his hands and knees, facing the pavement.

"Mime, what's been going on here? Who did this to Handy?" He asked, cautiously. Mime's ears perked up and he raised his head. Surprisingly enough, nothing was wrong with him. He slowly opened his mouth, as if he was actually going to say something, but he let out a screech instead. He sounded like a blender on puree mixing a kitten, a sack of nails and a cup of vomit. Sniffles covered his ears and ran down a nearby alley, trying to get as far away from the terrible din as possible. He was finally out of earshot of Mime, and began deeper into the alley, trying to find town square, and hopefully a normal person. But, he lost his footing, slipping on something sticky and slick. Normally he wouldn't have checked to see what he had stepped in, considering he was in such a filthy alley. But he smelled something, something he couldn't place.

"Chocolate?" he said aloud, and continued further down the alley. He smelled more and more of the sweet aroma of milk chocolate, until it almost became sickening. Just when he figured out he was walking down a dead end, Sniffles heard a choking sound, and then a sob. He walked further into the darkened alley to find Nutty, lying on the ground in a chocolate stained parka and gloves.

"Nutty?" Sniffles reached a hand out to him, but he slapped it away.

"Don't touch me! Stay away!" He screamed and fell to his crying once again.

"What happened to you, Nutty. Why are you here, and why is everything chocolate?"

"The crocodile!" He said between sobs, "He told me only my finger would make things chocolate, but he lied! He lied!"

"Wait a minute," Sniffles interrupted "Crocodile? What crocodile?"

"And, and then I started turning things into chocolate just by walking on them! I left behind chocolate footprints." Nutty seemed hysterical, and even more irrational than usual, "Then I went over to Toothy's to play, and then I turned one of his action figures into chocolate! And he yelled at me, but he wouldn't listen to me, and then I got mad and, and, and…." He broke down crying again.

"Nutty, please, tell me what happened."

"HE'S CHOCOLATE! I PUSHED HIM AND HE TURNED INTO CHOCOLATE!" Nutty screamed, gasping for breath. "I made him chocolate and I ran away! I kill everything now; don't come near me unless you want to die!" And then he fell on his back and cried, a sort of terrified crying that a baby might sound like if it was frightened. Sniffles, finally realizing he wouldn't get anything else out of Nutty, turned and left the alleyway without a word.

Finally reaching the town square, Sniffles ran into yet another one of his friends, Disco Bear, who was seemingly unaltered, but after hearing Mime, he approached cautiously.

"Um, Disco, are you alright?" Sniffles asked. Up close he could see Disco was panting heavily and covered in sweat.

"Uh, huff, hey Sniffs, staying fresh?" he pulled his hands off the park bench he was leaning on to give a weak double thumbs up.

"You look tired, is everything okay?"

Disco dropped his charismatic smile and became terrified, "No! Everything ain't alright! They're still coming after me!"  
"Who?"

"The ladies, man! They won't leave me alone!"

"Okay, hold that thought for a moment," Sniffles was getting tired of hearing sob stories. "What's going on around here? Why's everyone changed?"

"What've you been living under a rock? That witch doctor crocodile started jacking up prices on his love potion and now nobody can afford it! Not only that, but it's got some kind of reverse withdrawal effect, and now those girls want my head on a platter!"

"Okay, you're going to have to enlighten me a little, who's this crocodile and why is he selling love potions?"

"He's some kinda weird merchant, that's all I know. And it ain't just love potions, neither. He's selling some strange tonic that," He was cut off by the sound of a mob rushing toward him. Almost every girl in Happy Tree Town was gathered together, with pitchforks, torches and numerous other gristly tools.

"Hey girls, I found Him!" "Get 'em!" "Hold him down and castrate him like a bull!" "I'm gonna shove this torch up his ass!" "Chop out his eyes!" "I'll wear his dick like a necklace!"

"Whu-oh! Gotta go Sniffles, stay funky!" He said before running off again.

Sniffles let out a groan realizing he was at another dead end. Everyone he'd found was too sick or too distressed to do anything. He stuffed his hands in his coat pockets and headed down the sidewalk, giving up hope of finding anyone rational. Just in front of the Church house, though, he smelled something odd. He gave a deep inhale and choked violently on the smell. He looked up at the looming church and saw a green smog flowing out of its windows.

"Well, I guess it's worth a shot," He sighed and, clenching his nose shut, pushed open the large doors of the church. The room was filled with the gas, and he couldn't see anything past it, until some of it wafted out and he could see more clearly. Across the aisle, kneeling in front of the altar was Petunia. She was crying, and almost seemed to be praying.

"Petunia, is that you?" Sniffles asked, his closed nostrils distorting his voice.

"I'm surprised you came," She said calmly, "I'm surprised anyone could get near a filthy animal like me."

"Petunia, what's going on here?"

"The potion," She sniffled a little and wiped away a tear from her eye. "It all started with that god-awful potion! That crocodile, Mumbo, he sold it to us claiming it would make you perfect, and for awhile it did. Mole could see, Chunky was muscular, I smelled good….."

"But something went wrong; the potion backfired, didn't it?" Sniffles said, coming a little closer to her.

"Exactly, it had a reverse effect, and now. Oh god, Chunky….."

"What happened to him?"

"He started gaining weight again, and he said I started to smell, so we went out to buy more potion. The price was doubled this time, and somehow the bottle only lasted a couple days this time. We needed more, and more, and soon we'd spent all our money, and the last one only worked for an hour…"

"Where is Chunky?" Sniffles asked.

"He can't leave the house, he's become obese because of that stupid potion!" She began to cry "He's in so much pain now, he can hardly breathe. I didn't want to see him like that anymore!"

"Maybe WE could do something, find that crocodile!" Sniffles placed his free hand on her shoulder, making sure he still held his nose with the other. "if you'll help me we might be able to get a cure." He was really hoping she'd say yes, considering that she was the most reasonable person he'd met so far, and didn't want to lose that.

"Yeah," She sniffed her tears away and stood up, "Maybe, he must have a cure. Nobody would want to cause this much pain, maybe if we show him what's gone wrong he'll give us a cure."

"Where is he anyway, this Mumbo person?"

"He's selling potions over by the construction site, in the back alley by the ice cream shop there."

"Alright let's go."

…..

Giggles fell to her knees, a ragged shell of the girl she once was. Her skin was pale and worn, her body was nothing more than skin and bones, and she resembled a woman of eighty, instead of the teenage girl she was.

"Please, please it's all I have, take it." She held out a few gold necklaces and earrings to Mumbo, who was looking down on her with contempt. He blew a billow of smoke down to her and picked up the jewelry, examining it closely.

"I dunno, maybe this _might _work," He said, dangling the necklaces between his fingers.

"Please, I need more potion, this is all I have!" She held out her bony fingers, "If I don't get more Cuddles won't think I'm pretty anymore!"

"Aw, sweetheart, of course." He pulled a small bottle out of his coat, and slowly held it out to her.

"HEY CROC! We want an antidote, NOW!" Sniffles shouted from the front of the alleyway. The sudden jolt panicked Mumbo, causing him to drop the vial and nearly trip over his own feet. Realizing what was going on, he let out a low growl and leapt onto the alley wall, scaling it like a gecko and jumping up onto the rooftops.

"I hate you sciency types! Always ruining my fun!" He called over his shoulder.

"Damn, he's getting away!" Petunia shouted, and ran around the building hoping to catch a glimpse of him, Sniffles close behind.

Meanwhile, back in the alleyway, Giggles was laughing manically and slurping up the potion from the filthy alley floor.

"Hehehe, I'll be so pretty" She dipped her head again to sip more of the disgusting potion and gutter sludge mixture in front of her "All the boys will love me, hehehe….."

…..

Petunia and Sniffles were just barely able to keep Mumbo in site, as the agile beast danced across the rooftops, hopping from one to the next, not even stopping when he reached the construction site. He leapt onto a girder and slid down, hopping a chain link fence and dashing off out of Happy Tree Town.

"Damn, he's gone…" Petunia said, falling to her knees once again.

"Well, even if he is gone we still need to fix this, and I'm afraid that he's the only way we will."

"But, that road leads into the swamps, no one ever comes back from there!"

Sniffles let out a deep sigh, "Well unfortunately, we're going to have to be the first. Coming?"

Petunia stood and dusted herself off "I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

* * *

Ahh, I'm feeling so much better now that the horrible vomiting stopped. I'm not sure, but I think I may just wrap this up in the next chapter. Never really intended it to go very long anyway….

Anyhoo, this is your Friendly Neighborhood Phoenix Reece signing off!


	6. Lesson

**Author's Note**

This is gonna be the last chapter, no use sugar coating it. But, it's been a good run and I think this was good place to introduce Mumbo, and so far he's gotten quite a few fans. Thanks a lot to all those who went along with, what I honestly have to call, an experimental story. But, let's save the pleasantries until we're done, what do you say?

**Snake Oil**

The path Mumbo led the two down headed straight into the swamps. Signs were put up all along the perimeter to keep any foolish trespassers from meeting their untimely end; it was a deathtrap for any Friend to stumble into it. But unfortunately for Sniffles and Petunia, this was exactly where they were going.

"Oh my god, please tell me we aren't going in there.." Petunia held her sides and shivered, looking into the murky depths of the darkened swamp.

"Well, if my nose gets filled with swamp mud, it'll be the nicest thing I've smelled all day." Sniffles called back to her. She let out a little whimper and he apologized. Not being out of the lab for a while really affected his social skills. He was all business sometimes, no time for the others and their nonsense.

"I wish you'd be a little more amiable sometimes," Petunia said as they wallowed through the dense muck, "You could really help a lot of people if you only cared enough."

"I care a lot about you guys," Sniffles said without turning "That's why it pisses me off when you do stuff like this." Petunia, realizing the sincerity in that, fell silent (Except of course for the occasional shudders when she felt something in the swamp muck brush her leg.)

They were wandering for what seemed like an hour when they began to hear a harmonica, and see a light off in the distance. Heading towards it, Sniffles came across a sign written in what he could only hope was red paint.

_trespassers be gone, or be hexed for life_

"Well, looks like we found him, he must be nearby." Sniffles said, and began walking forward.

"But, but the sign, are we just gonna keep going?" Petunia wouldn't budge. "Sniffles, I know you haven't seen much of Mumbo, but he can do things, terrible things."

"C'mon now, don't tell me you actually believe in that ridiculous voodoo nonsense." Sniffles said and kept walking "Besides, voodoo magic only works if you believe in it."

"Oh." Petunia said, and walked after him. But, she thought for a few seconds and paused in place "Wait, wait a minute Sniffles, how am I supposed to not believe in it if I don't believe in it just to stop it from working?" She asked, but Sniffles didn't respond and soon she was quiet again.

Mumbo's house, if it could be called a house, was nothing but a shack on stilts. It was barely illuminated by a small light on its porch, which served to do almost nothing but draw moths. Mumbo sat there on the front porch, a wickedly grim scowl draped across his face.

"Can't read can ya?" He said, taking his lips from the harmonica "I hate visitors, people need privacy you know."

Sniffles took a defiant step forward and shouted back to him upon his raised platform "We're taking you in, magic man. You're gonna have to answer to the other Tree Friends for what you did to them?"

Mumbo stepped up and growled, tossing the harmonica into the swamp muck. "What I did? WHAT I DID? I didn't do nothing to you sickening people. I've lived in swamp muck for years and I ain't never seen something as vile as you city folk." He sprung up and began walking forward across the wooden planks, picking up his cane from a support beam beside him. Petunia, and surprisingly Sniffles backed up at his approach.

"You all wanna be perfect! All you care about it perfection, at any cost!" He waved the cane in the air in furious, vigorous motions "Sell anything, even your dignity for perfection! I did nothing! I handed you a knife and you drove it into your hearts, and even as you bled to death all you cared about was perfection!" He spat that single word, perfection, as if he wished to rid his lips of it.

Sniffles caught his courage again, boldly retorting "They didn't know what was going to happen! You can't blame people for being naive, it's our nature, we learn from it! And you had no right to do what you did, no matter how you try to justify it!"

Mumbo paused at this thought, but it only lasted a second. "Well, too late now. Nothing I can do, goodbye!" He said plainly and walked back into his shack.

"Hey, come back here! HEY!" Sniffles shouted, he pulled himself up onto the porch and pounded his fists against the door until they were throbbing. Petunia hauled herself up from the muck and tried to comfort him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"We're not getting anywhere, maybe we should just give up." She said.

Sniffles was still too determined to take a loss "But, this is the only way we can save everyone! Maybe if we,"

"No, please. Let's just go home, I'm sure you figure out something in time. We're better off if we just leave this old lizard alone anyway."

She was making a lot of sense, Sniffles figured so he gave a weak smile and walked off with her.

"Well, I'm sorry about your whole smell situation. I probably won't be able to fix it for a while" He said, dipping himself back into the mud.

"It's alright. It was never this bad, but I'm used to it. I just wish everything could be normal, though, for everyone's sake." She was about to jump in with him, when a creek of a wooden door stopped them both. Mumbo was standing in the doorway, his hat tipped over his eyes.

"Did you say, normal?" He asked.

"Um, yes, I did. I wish everything could be normal."

Then, he smiled. It started small, a slight twitch in his cheek, but slowly progressed into a wide, warm grin. "Normal, heh, all you want is normal? Not perfect?

Petunia felt she should be nervous, but his smile calmed her, "Oh no, not perfect at all, only normal. Plain, normal, has-to-wear-air fresheners Petunia!"

Then, Mumbo broke in to a hearty laugh. He lit up the entire swamp with his chortling, clutching his sides and rolling all about the floor, making Sniffles almost certain they were dealing with a mentally deranged person.

Finally he pulled himself up and began clapping "DING DING DING! We have a winner, what's your name sweetie?"

"Uh," Petunia was disturbed, but decided to play along, hoping his would finally get her the antidote. "Petunia, Petunia Skunk of Happy Tree Town."

"Well, little missy, you're our grand prize winner! YOU LEARNED A LESSON!" He picked her up and gave her an enormous hug, placing her back down and waving his cane about again, "Now as our grand prize winner, you'll receive a year's supply of Mumbo's Magic Make-Better Elixir,"

"NO!" Petunia and Sniffles shouted in unison.

"HAH! Kidding, kidding, now about that antidotey thing, to cure your town."

"Yes, what is it?" Sniffles asked.

"Well, hold on now, lemme get it together." He pulled open one side of his enormous coat, revealing numerous straw dolls in the images of everyone they knew. Each was pierced with a pin in a different place. Flaky was pinned in her quills, Flippy in his yellow eyes, Nutty on his fingers, Mime in his mouth, Handy on his hands, Lumpy in his head, and Disco in his crotch. He began to pull the pins from each one muttering their name as he did. "Now, you go back and tell everyone that was cursed that all they gotta do is drink from the fountain in the town square and they'll be good as new!" And with that, Mumbo gave a quick turn, and headed back into his house.

"Wait a minute!" Sniffles objected, "Why did you do all of this, just for your own sick games?"

"Why, Sniffles, I am insulted," Mumbo said, his voice twinged with sadness, "I don't do this because I like to, I do it because you people need to learn that there ain't no such thing as perfection. I taught you a lesson, don't you sciencey-types like that?"

Sniffles raised a finger to object once again, but Petunia grabbed him by the collar, she refused to stay in a grimy swamp so a pompous anteater could argue with a demented crocodile

…

It was just about sunrise by the time everyone had heard the news about the fountain, and everyone was crowded around it drinking to return to normal. Handy finally looked normal, save for of course his amputated arms, and Mime could no longer be heard, a blessing to everyone. Nutty very cautiously drank, and then dunked Toothy's chocolate head in, turning him back. Lumpy had to be dragged over to the fountain in his vegetative state, but thankfully in a few minutes he was back to chasing butterflies into traffic like he used to. Flippy, who was in a state of permanent flip-out, had to be dragged to the fountain by splendid, who oddly enough didn't drink any potion. He was finally able to relax when everyone was perfect and nobody was dying on a daily basis, something he was going to miss now that it was over. A rescue party was sent out after Disco, who was found in a basement, badly beaten and burned, but partially alive. By noon everyone was back to normal, and the only one by the fountain then was Sniffles, who was testing the water for any unusual compounds.

"H2O, nothing else." He sighed, putting away his water testing kit, "I just don't get it, how'd he do it?"

"Why do you always have to doubt what you don't understand?" A deep-throated voice asked, making Sniffles jump. It was Mumbo, leaning up against the fountain watching him.

"Because," Sniffles said, regaining his composure "there's no such thing as voodoo magic!"

"Riiight, and I used heavy hallucinogens to make everyone think that was happening, right?" He said, slyly.

"Well, not necessarily, but I know you did something."

"Give it up boy-genius, does it really matter anymore?" He began to walk away, but Sniffles stopped him again.

"Hey, by the way, what about all the money you took from the people, aren't you going to give that back?"

"A croc's gotta eat, y'know. Besides, my Mama always said that even if you learn your lesson, you still gotta have a punishment, sounds fair, don't it?"

"I suppose, but,"

"But nothing, just go with it. I'll be seeing you around, little man, and check that briefcase of yours. I left ya a little something for your troubles." Mumbo pulled his top hat over his eyes, stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked away without another word.

Sniffles looked back at the case he was putting his equipment into, and a small vial was lying on top of it. He picked it up and read the tag attached to it.

_Have fun trying to figure this out, boy-genius_

* * *

And there we have it, a story of science, magic, and mystery. I'm not sure if I'll ever use Mumbo again though, now that he served his purpose in happy tree town. Maybe I could figure something out. And I know I didn't give much information on Mumbo, like why he started doing this whole elixir business to teach people lessons, but I figure it's better off that way, makes him more mysterious. Well, hope ya enjoyed the ride!


End file.
